F*cking off….is mindful work.
So recently a friend came to me with a swift and exacting plan to ‘kick’ depression. I’m not dismissing the intent and their chosen programme of care, but what I want to discuss today is the importance of self-care and relinquishing the need to control the agenda and timeline to heal.
Working through your struggles is kind of like a wake— while you are navigating the waters, that action moves the water in ways you never anticipated.
To qualify, we have our own ideas and timelines of how long something ‘should take’ to fix in our own lives. Here’s a truth bomb: it’s a little arrogant/ignorant/presumptuous to be able to make definitive timeline of our healing, especially when it comes to our mental health. Mental health and healing are harder to track than say, a broken arm that has easily quantifiable ‘markers’, including scientific evidence, (like x-rays) that help us determine when a state of complete, or relative complete healing has taken place. The mind is much more complicated, amorphous, and has less easily quantifiable markers, scientific and otherwise. Also, we are biased and subjective when it comes to our understanding of our own mental health. Really, it comes down to knowing how we ‘feel’ and ‘respond’, in both times of duress and joy. We might think we ‘fixed’ our problem, but find ourselves replaying the same behaviours that created our pain in the first place.
Considering that we don’t always have a clear understanding of how much healing needs to be done, and that we are each on our own independent journey. Timeline undefined.
“I have seen many storms in my life. Most storms have caught me by surprise, so I had to learn very quickly to look further and understand that I am not capable of controlling the weather, to exercise the art of patience and to respect the fury of nature. ”
I say this with conviction as when I needed to take a medical leave for several issues (mental health being one of the main concerns) I was convinced I’d be back at work in 3 months. I can heal in that time, right? Just get some rest, find some therapy and I’ll be on my way. Well that process rolled into 2 years of hard work, many doctor and health practitioner visits of all sorts before I was truly in a ‘healthy space’ to return to work.
If I had been told then how long it would have taken me to return to work, I would have fucking scoffed and ridiculed that prognosis…maybe even try to come back early to ‘prove them wrong’. Not until I had walked the steps of recovery did I figure out how deep, difficult, and challenging that work was in order to truly ‘recover’. And speaking from my current self to my past self, I wouldn’t have changed a minute of that process. It was clearly one of, if not the worst time of my life thus far. And the process forced me to look at all the shit in my life that I had been avoiding like a fucking superstar. And there weren’t any shortcuts to the unpacking. It sucked. But it was also an incredible process that changed me forever for the better.
I developed tools and emotional scaffolding that supports me in any situation, and I listen and trust myself more than ever before. The healing process changed me into a better, stronger, healthier, more woke human that is able to better honour her self and her humanity.
I do think sometimes, some people need to hit ‘rock bottom’ before they start listening to our hearts and bodies. There’s too much noise out there in the world that makes it way too easy to ignore our truth and our true selves. I think I would have continued living in denial of the deeper issues, being the excellent compartmentalizer that I am.
Constantly hustling for self-worth and validation from others would still be my main game….at the expense of myself.
So my sendoff point is this, cultivate a ‘type B’ mentality (I see you ‘type As’ cringing out there, I do…), and allow the healing to unfold at the pace it asks for. Listen to your higher self; listen to your body, your mind, your heart. Be still and listen for what it needs. We have incredible wisdom within ourselves. It’s time to connect with the other parts of your personal ether and give the action-based, results-based brain a rest. Give yourself permission to take the time you need to heal.
